If only if THAT PERSON would stop doing X or stop getting in my way… my life would be so much easier.
Do you feel like that sometimes?
That this other person or situation seems to be really f*king up your life and you just wish IT. WOULD. STOP. NOW.
Aggghhhh. And breath.
It can be so frustrating when it seems like situations outside of you, of which you have no control are CONTROLLING YOU.
You want it to stop but you don’t know how to get it to stop, and it’s making you miserable.
It’s that all-consuming situation that you think about, talk about and try to fix that is the centre of attention right now. You would love to find a WAY OUT.
I felt like this when I brought my first business in Spain, I was soooo excited to start my dream life when we bought a wellness centre, imagining all the good s*t that was going to happen. And then it turned out that the people we bought it off were less than scrupulous and that we had gotten ourselves into a nightmare situation…Where we had spent all our savings on a business that was actually running at a huge loss, not the profitable business that we thought we had bought.
So in came the lawyers (we went through 3 until we found the right now) and out came the fists as we started to try to unravel this situation. The thing is, the other party would not play ball. And they were applying increasing pressure on us, both in a threatening personal and professional manner. We were terrified, and we just wanted it to stop. It was going to be a long process though and we just couldn’t predict, let alone control, what they were going to do next.
So a good friend, like a little angel said, LET GO.
What? WTF? Let go of our dreams, our business, our life savings, our sanity?
Yes LET IT GO.
Now, a lot of people say let it go and they don’t really explain the ins and outs on the how and in what way….
You could just say “f*k it” and walk away…
but in reality this may not be suitable for most situations. I mean, you literally may not be able to walk away. Like from your naughty kids or something (which a new business can feel like sometimes ;-))
Another way is to focus on all that you can do that is INSIDE your control and let go of all the stuff that is OUTSIDE of your control. I love Stephen Covey’s take on this in his book “7 habits of highly effective people”.
In this simple diagram, below, you can see that there are two circles. The inside circle contains the stuff that is inside your circle of influence, so your actions, your behaviour, your “domain”. The outside circle is other people’s business – so their actions, their behaviour, their domain. Often, we spend much of our fear thoughts on the outside circle of influence – the one where we have no control…
So rather than let go completely, it’s about taking full responsibility for the stuff that is inside your control and taking measured, appropriate action for all those steps. And for the things outside of your influence? Let them go. You have no control over them so there is no point worrying about them.
How many hours do you think you have spent worrying about things outside of your circle of influence? Before I learnt about this – COUNTLESS. Countless, pointless hours second-guessing, hoping, wishing, needing for this thing outside of me to be how I wanted it to be. And in the end? They didn’t turn out half as bad as my fears had. Which all equated to a more miserable existence and wasted time and energy.
So when you let go of the things outside of your influence, what to do…?
- First affirm (out-loud if you like) that you let the part that you cannot control go
- Ask that it turns out for the highest good of everyone concerned
- Anytime fear thoughts come up about it – try to catch yourself and remind yourself of the two circles of influence
- Have fun with other stuff…distract yourself with other areas of your life that are going good right now, like a walk with you loved one, a good gossip with friends, planning a holiday etc.
For more help on dealing with your fears, I have a free training call “Say F*k-off to fear” – you can find out more details on my Facebook group HERE
New Month, new beginnings….
Time is going soooo quickly! I have checked my diary and I have space to offer 3 free personal coaching sessions for YOU.
This call will help you find a solution to a hot topic, feel more empowered and have greater clarity of the next steps to take to move forward.
This session is free with no-strings attached and I only have 3 spots available so I expect them to go super-quick! So if you have recently gone through a big shake-up, such as changing careers, redundancy or moving country then email me and we can set up your session. EMAIL HERE TO BOOK YOUR FREE SESSION NOW