Do you find that you are super hard on yourself? Like, other people can have an inch, or even a mile but when it comes to you… you can’t even make one little mistake.
One little mistake and your inner critic is shouting down at you “How could you?”, “Are you stupid?”, “How could you do that?” or the classic… “You’ve really f*cked up now!”
And the thing is, our regular self flagellation can even happen without us being fully aware of the extent of the criticism and harshness. Flowers in the attic would be proud!
What is this inner critic trying to do?
Make you perfect.
Really, this means you need to do better, be better, try harder. Not good enough! Not today. Not ever, possibly.
So, in a way… you are never good enough.
And when you fully face this self judgement monster, you usually just want to push it down, down into the depths so you don’t have to listen to it. Such a nasty voice, you almost feel embarrassed for being so harsh. And you don’t want to fully face up to it as you don’t know how to deal with it.
Don’t worry, I’m going to give you the first ways on how to deal with that in this article.
But first, I want to help you understand this dynamic a bit more.
Often, this harsh self judgement is found in high achievers. Because this self flagellation and feeling of not enough has driven you to PROVE that you are enough, that you can do better, be better, deliver more. Next time.
And that drive keeps you going, and actually achieving amazing things. And yet you never really enjoy the success, as you’re already judging it as “could have done better” and you’re on to the next thing.
So here’s a simple process to get started. I go into a lot more depths with my clients but I wanted to share this with you as it will already help start to shift the energy massively.
- Be willing to listen
intoyour inner critic. By suppressing the voice, it goes into your shadow. And in your shadow, it can create havoc with your life and dreams by unconsciously sabotaging you or even making you have an undercurrent of yucky feelings that arein your system. Listen in by just giving perhaps 5mins each morning or when you get triggered. Just let the voice come and go – you don’t need to analyse, deny, confirm or repress it. Just let it be, and then go. Nothing is permanent, so no matter how horrid it feels, it will go away. (I’ve often found by just listening it reduces its power)
- Accept and love yourself, anyway. By accepting and loving yourself, even though you have this harsh inner critic helps you to integrate this part of you. So once the voice has spoken, just say to yourself I accept and love myself anyway – and mean it. Really feel this feeling of just being there for all parts of you – the yucky parts as well as the yummy parts. The thing is, that you are all parts of you and by rejecting a part of you, you are creating conditions on being loveable and increasing the power of this inner critic. So just love and accept all parts of you anyway. Normally this
self-kicking,is really just a part of you that’s scared of not being love – so by giving all parts of you LOVE – you are answering that cry for help.
I love this teaching from “A Course In Miracles”, which says that all calls are a call for LOVE and to respond with love is the only answer.
If you feel like you’d love more help with this, then check out my “F*ck off fear” training – priced at only £47, it gives you lots of tools to help you say bye-bye to fear.
Check it out here https://www.kellymorgan.tv/fck-off-fear/